What to do if someone has read your journal
We all need a private place where we can think, feel, and be – without judgement or question. But what if this has been violated?
When people sense that they are in a safe space, they often open-up – and gladly seize the chance to speak freely without judgement. But there was one occasion where I could see a workshop participant was wrestling with her truth. She gave what she thought was a socially acceptable answer to why she’d come to the workshop. But then she asked to speak again, “The reason I’m really here is because when I was a teenager my parents read my diary and punished me for the contents, and it’s left me feeling blocked ever since.”
Since then, I’ve had those words echoed to me time-and-time again. The circumstances and people involved are often different, but the result is the same. Broken trust. Guilt. Grief. Shame. Loss of creative freedom. Clients and colleagues have shared how they can never quite write what they want to. That they always feel that they’re writing for an audience. That they can never let loose and let their heart and soul flow. Writing their truth no longer feels safe. So, they find it mentally and emotionally easier to write something bland. Something every palette can handle. But the problem is that if you do this enough, it becomes a habit that’s hard to break.
Expressive writing, and writing for wellbeing, works. There is absolutely no doubt about it. But what’s often not spoken about is what to do if you feel blocked and stifled, how to figure out the cause and how to free yourself up.
So, if someone has read YOUR journal, the first thing to do is give this event the weight it deserves. Don’t brush it off. Acknowledge that a boundary was crossed, and that it’s likely created a wound that needs to be healed.
Healing through your journal (oh, the irony!)
The cure is to go back to the place where you once wrote uncensored. And to take small, intentional steps to get back to that sense of inner freedom. This three-part journaling exercise will help.
Part one
Write the sentence: ‘My trust as a writer was broken when [Insert name of person] read my journal.’ Next, set a stopwatch for 10 minutes and focus on writing about what you saw, heard, touched, tasted and smelt during that episode. Also, write about what movement happened, whether internally or externally and what you felt. Focusing on your seven senses in this way is extremely powerful. It can switch off your conscious chattering brain and allow your writing and emotions to flow.
Go wherever your senses lead you in this exercise and remember that your sensory experiences don’t have to be literal (although it’s fine if they are). For instance, you may have ‘tasted’ fear, or ‘smelt’ a relationship going sour in that moment. Or you may have smelt dinner burning on the hob, as you forgot to turn off the cooker. The movement may have been someone darting across the room and ripping out or scrunching up journal pages. Or it may have been the movement of your chest going up and down, as you struggled to catch your breath.
Just keep your pen moving and don’t stop to correct any spellings mistakes or grammar. And don’t worry if it feels that what you’re writing is clunky or disorganised. The aim is to get all your thoughts and feelings out, so repeat this exercise as many times as you feel you need to.
Part two
Next, get factual by answering these questions:
Who shamed you?
How did they shame you?
Why did they shame you?
What did they do?
How can you reframe what happened (with the benefit of insight and hindsight
What affirmation (s) do you need to restore your confidence and trust in yourself as a writer.
For example, ‘It is safe for me to write.’ ‘No-one will read my journal again.’ ‘I am not responsible for other people’s emotions – what I think and feel matters most.’
Don’t get too hung up on making this perfect. It ought to just be a simple positive statement of intent for something you want to feel, believe, or have.
Part three
The next step after this is to do creative writing exercises that you get you in the flow, so that you can once again feel what it feels like to write freely. You’ll find lots of these in my Writing for Creative Self-Expression course (that comes with a paid subscription).
It’s incredibly freeing to put words to a murky feeling you may have been holding for years. Don’t underestimate how profound the simple act of someone reading your private words can have on your psyche. And whatever you do, make sure you keep your journal under lock and key in the future.